Better Than Drugs
by Akane Arihyoshi
Summary: It was really no contest. Being with Roxas was better than drugs. Shonen-ai, AkuRoku. Dedicated to Hotaru Yoshifumi.


Title: Better Than Drugs

Author: Akane Arihyoshi

Disclaimer: Nope. Axel doesn't actually do drugs (that we know of), Roxas isn't actually that happy and emotional (that we can prove), and I don't actually own these people (that we can sucessfully legally claim in the court of law yet).

DEDICATION: To Hotaru Yoshifumi, one of the only friends I have who actually takes the time to read these stories, and definitely the only member of the Ace Gang who bothers. Of course, half of that is my fault anyway, since some of my friends don't even know that I _can _write, but whatever. You inspired this story (aren't you proud.) and you asked for a story, so here you are. Tell me if you like it, I guess.

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I could never stand the French language, which is why I only ever learned two whole words of it. 'Laissez-faire' is the only rule here in the Castle That Never Was.

Which is ironic. 'Laissez-faire' pretty much means "Let the people do as they wish". Our only rule uses an eloquent phrase in a different language to tell us that it, in fact, is just like the rest of us, in that it doesn't exist either.

Xemnas absolutely adores the policy. It means that he doesn't have to do any work at all, except for giving us our missions.

He lets us get away with all sorts of crap that any self-respecting government would ban. Marluxia is allowed to spend his entire paycheck (as small as it is) on hair care products and books with names like 'Animal Farm' and 'Anti-Man', which are basically books on how government and leadership over a group of people is a bad thing. Larxene is permitted to scare small children into submission on her trips to Wonderland. Luxord is allowed to maintain an unhealthy obsession with playing cards, while Xigbar is allowed to spontaneously hide said cards whenever he can get his hands on them.

And I'm allowed to keep my drugs.

As if it weren't obvious. I'm a fire wielding maniac, of course I smoke. And I mean, who _doesn't _look at my hair and my unnaturally skinny figure and think 'he's on drugs'? Seriously. No one in the Organization ever cared, either. It wasn't their problem if I screwed my life over. I was only a nobody, replaceable.

Except Roxas.

Roxas.

My god, _Roxas._

This…_kid_, this _child_ who decided that my life wasn't good enough the way it was, and so set himself the task of throwing it upside-down and backwards. My best friend. My life. My reason.

My heart.

I remember the day he arrived at the Castle That Never Was. Cold, hungry. Totally soaked. Poor kid looked like he'd been run over, dumped in a lake, and then some. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it turns out that's exactly what happened. He was sad-looking. Miserable.

I never meant to be his friend. Of course not. Friendship within the Organization was an unheard of concept. Larxene and Marluxia had almost gotten close to a friendship of sorts, but they mostly hung out together because it benefited them both. I definitely wasn't expecting to have a friend. I was totally committed to staying alone for the rest of my nonexistent life.

Funny how no one else seems to care about my plans.

Two weeks after he got here, we were inseparable. It was almost pitiful how much we relied on each other after just a short time. It was just so easy to be friends with this kid. He didn't seem to give a damn about the whole 'no emotions' thing. He laughed, smiled, and cried like he had them anyway.

He insisted that I was his best friend, and that friendship wasn't an emotion, it was a commitment, which made all the difference. It was hard not to believe the kid's logic. He'd present the facts in such a no-nonsense tone of voice, looking at you like he thought for all the world that you'd agree. And I did. Most of the time. Whenever I didn't, we'd argue about it for a few minutes before I gave in.

I guess it was really only a matter of time before we became an irreversible part of each other. Zexion told me one day that he couldn't tell us apart by scent anymore. Axel was Roxas was Axel. Vexen actually started to run all sort of tests on us to try and analyze how a friendship like ours could actually exist. I started to notice how nice he looked when he smiled, how his eyes lit up when he laughed.

It couldn't have been love, and it wasn't just friendship.

It was an obsession.

Our loyalty was dangerous. I would have died for him. Nothing stood in the way when it came to Roxas. It scared me. I think it scared Xemnas too, because he kept a close eye on us for the longest time, and was careful not to antagonize either me or Roxas.

You know, Roxas'd keep something hidden from you forever if he could. He was the best secret keeper in the world. If I told him to keep something quiet, he wouldn't breathe a word until he was allowed to. The only thing he couldn't seem to keep were his own secrets. Eventually, he would just accidentally let them slip.

"I hate it when you smoke."

He told me that one day after a mission I'd just gotten back from had turned ugly, and I was lighting up a cigarette to cool myself down. He looked so scared, like he'd just let slip the most well kept secret in the world and was now awaiting his execution. I just chuckled and stubbed it out. I picked up the pack, closed it, and tossed it to him.

"Then do something about it," I challenged him, blowing out my mouthful of smoke and watching him out of the corner of my eye. His eyes widened, but them his mouth turned up in a smile, and his hand clutched the package. I let him search around my room for every last cigarette I had, and watched as he threw everything into an empty drawer of mine, turning the key in the lock before removing it and placing it on a chain that hung from his neck.

Really, it was no contest.

Being with Roxas was better than drugs.

I kept that promise to him. I never tried to get into that drawer, and I never asked him for the key. He always kept it around his neck, on the same chain that held the roman numeral thirteen and a smaller, metal number eight, the chain I'd had made in Traverse Town for him years ago. We never really mentioned it again.

But there's always problems in every government.

There was this nasty business going around, about Sora, Roxas's other. Roxas wasn't allowed to know that he was still alive, or even who he was. This led to a lot of treason, deaths, and dissention.

Eventually Roxas found out about everything. Man, he was pissed. No one but me ever found out that he knew. He kept it a secret for as long as he could, but even Roxas can't keep some things locked up forever.

He got fed up, and he decided to leave.

I was the only one he said goodbye to. I was the only one he felt deserved his forgiveness. Truthfully, I didn't deserve it at all, but he wouldn't listen, He said he didn't want to know what I'd done, because he always wanted to remember me as the only good guy.

He came into my room one night and announced that he was done. This needed to end. He was going to go find Sora, and make things right again. He said it like he believed Sora was the answer, but his eyes said that he didn't. He had no idea where he was going or what he was doing.

I pulled him over and into my arms, and asked him if he was certain. He hesitated a moment before saying no, and bursting into tears. I asked him if that uncertainty would stop him, and he shook his head. I really hadn't imagined that it would.

We stayed like that for hours, crying, waiting for the inevitable time when he'd have to go. Finally, at midnight, he stood up straight, pulled away, and drew his hand across his eyes to get rid of the tears. He leaned over, kissed me, and, tears he just couldn't seem to stop running down his face again, he drew back his arm and let it fly.

The next thing I remember is waking up in the morning with a terrible headache. My face felt sore, and, on closer inspection, I already had a few cuts, expertly bandaged by the one who had caused them. I closed my eyes again and tried to block out the light, willing myself to forget that he was gone, and that I was alone.

Eventually, though, the noises of the others frantically searching for their keyblade master became too loud, and I was forced to get up. My eyes were drawn to my desk, and to the small piece of paper lying there which hadn't been before. It was addressed to me, and I picked it up, frowning, along with two small pills and a key that had been lying on top of it.

"I'm so sorry," it began in a messy script I recognized as Roxas's.

"The pills are for your headache. I wish I didn't have to do it, but I know you. I need to go alone, and I need to go tonight. The key is yours. It always was, I was just keeping it for you. Use it however you want.

"Axel, if anyone asks, you'll have to say that you and I had a fight. Your face will more than prove it. They can't know the real reason that I left. I wish you didn't have to either. You're my best friend, Axel, and you always will be. Never forget that. I love you."

I reread the note, then hid it in a compartment I'd built into the dresser upon arriving at the Organization. I dressed quietly, and swallowed both pills. The key weighed heavy in my hand.

It had taken me until now to realize that I loved Roxas. The note's last words replayed themselves in my head.

Why hadn't I told him that I cared? Why hadn't I made him stay? Why hadn't I gone with him? Why hadn't I…why hadn't I…why…

My hands shook as I gripped the key tighter and turned. I moved forward, thrust the key into the lock, and twisted it. The drawer pulled open easily when I tried it, as if it had never been locked. Maybe it never had been.

I pulled out a package and a small, metal lighter, and brought them back to my bed. I took out a cigarette, placed it in my mouth, and lit it. With a single breath, I dragged the contaminated air into my lungs, and let it out again. A new phrase slipped into my thoughts, and, as if on cue, the tears started to fall.

_Smoke 'em if you got 'em._

A/N: Wow. This idea hit me strong and refused to be put down. It was THE story. Maybe I'll take out the Kingdom Hearts references, throw in a few made-up characters, and send it to a published. Ha. That would be fun.

Again, Hotaru, this is for you. Hope you like it. I seem to find that when I'm inspired by my friends, bad things happen. Like HMBDMI, with Raz and I. Wow.

REVIEW.

Akane

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